Clear piss

Myself and my beautiful beer wench, the lady Cleopatra have started bottling our home-brew. Its less cloudy than when we started and now it actually smells like beer rather than a damp tramp. The good news is it even tastes like beer. Part of the process is too pop a sweetie in the brew to make it fizzy and stronger.

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2010 the year of the Twat #7

Twat #7

The dinner Dj. Thinks he’s at a rave cutting it up on the ones and twos to a crowd of 10000 ecstacy fueled ravers when he’s actually a Dj in a resturant/winebar .

Your not carl cox, infact technically You’re not really a disc jockey either, more of a knob jockey with iTunes. Stop popping a headphone onto one shoulder and pretending to scratch. We can see your laptop you tw-tw-twa-twa-twatt!

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The miracle of birth

It’s starting to look and smell like beer. It’s a bit cloudy but a head is starting to form.

Crack pipe?

This is the exhast pipe of my turbo charged micro-brewery. Out if which come beer flavoured fermenting farts regular as clockwork.

Let the brewing commence

Meet big bertha my brew tank. Right now tiny microbes are performing a miracle of nature. They are turning a syruppy can of smashed hops and water into magical beer.

Atop the washing machine they occasionally get woken up but are happily bubbling away and farting carbon dioxide and making my towels smell a bit trampy.

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Bouncing Baby Boy

Check out my new nephew. He's got that drunk stare and dancing skills that took me 30 years to develop from the get go.

Branded bouncy castle

A giant coke bottle bouncy castle dominating the hill on Bondi beach. Gotta hand it too them, there wasn’t a kid not drinking coke or wearing a coke tee or hat. I even saw an obese kid win a balancing comp, with a can on his head. Participation works well.

Mars turd man

Cleverly hidden amongst the skaters, speakers, graff and other youth cliches is a……..a….er…..a little angry turd man?

Vom.

2010 the year of the twat.

TWAT#6 Last night I saw a guy hanging out in the VIP section at a gig on his own, talking to his friends who obviously couldn’t get access through a fence. He was literally the only dude in there apart from the barman.

WOW YOU MUST BE REALLY IMPORTANT TO BE IN THE VIP BAR DRINKING WITH ALL THE OTHER VERY IMPORTANT PENISES. YOU ISOLATED EXCLUSIVE TWAT.

Look at my horse…….machine?